erikarosevoeller

The beauty of life is simple. It is all around you. This you’ve heard for years. For years, if you’ve had any type of support system, you have been told that if you just look around you, you will appreciate the world. The simple things. You’ve been told that you hold the key to unlock ANY door. You can be whatever, or whomever, you want to be. And these sayings are true. I think the first step in making progress is messing up. I messed up yesterday, and I still feel bad about it. But it’s not my problem anymore. I took the necessary steps to resolve the situation, and then, I offered it up. There is no need to concern yourself with the problems of others. It gets you no where. What gets you somewhere is the power and belief behind trusting yourself. Listen to your heart. I’m telling you, all these damn cliches are true. Listen to your heart and do exactly what it tells you to do. Even if it scares you. If your body, mind, and soul want you to do it- it’s going to work out. If it’s meant to be, it will be. I promise. I’m not sure what my focus here is. I guess I’m just piggy-backing off of what a life coach told me yesterday. She asked me what my passion is, and to be honest, I have many. But in this chapter of my life, it’s words. I want to provoke thought and emotion, good or bad, in people through my words. So I thought of this blog. And I thought of how many people will see this on their dashboard tonight, and maybe it’s just the pick-me-up they need. Maybe not. Maybe I should stop rambling. But my rambles all mean one thing: TRUST YOURSELF. Do what’s hard. Break out of your comfort zone. Don’t give up. Trust that it’s all going to work out in the end. Because it will.

(Source: brotips)

I think it’s safe to say that I’ve failed the 365 day challenge. Maybe it’s just not for me, after all. I’m a busy girl, and the things I want to say never come to me at the right times. They only come to me late at night, when I’m driving home from work or snuggled in bed or when I should be doing homework or studying. But the whole point of this blog was to create something meaningful; and when I take a step back and really look at that statement, I realize that meaningful isn’t a blog. Meaningful isn’t a bunch of words written by a young girl on tumblr. Meaningful isn’t good photographs posted online. Meaningful is the story behind the words or the photos. It’s the feeling and emotion the ideas represent. It’s the memories made. And what better way to make memories than to let go of the guidelines and just live? I shouldn’t have to force myself to write something everyday when I have nothing to write. I should let myself write when I feel like it, sing when I feel like it, laugh when I feel like it, read when I feel like it, dance when I feel like it…. there should be no “challenge” tricking me into thinking I’m alive. Life is something I have to figure out for myself. So, I don’t really know when I’ll write another tumblr post. But if you haven’t gotten sick of me, you can check out what I’m thinking, through more than just words, at https://erikarosevoeller.jux.com

I’m a little bit scared right now. I had good conversations with others today that really only reitterated one thing for me: I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know what I want to study in school and that scares me because I’m supposed to start looking at colleges this summer. I’m seventeen and a half years old and I’m supposed to start planning out my life. And may I just say that whatever path I take, I’ll likely end up as an Obdachloser (hobo) because everything costs money and I have none. So this entire situation, that is my life, is just stressful and overwhelming and in the midst, I’m trying to find love, peace, and most importantly happiness.

I am in the most annoying lull. It has been weeks since I’ve posted anything worthy. I wish inspiration would strike, but instead I’m left neglecting my blog and writing only about my boring days. I feel like a loser, and I am so sorry. This blog started out so strong, and I was able to truly express myself. Everyone reading this, I am so thankful for the positive way in which you responded. Maybe something awesome will happen in my life. I sure hope so. In the meantime, just remember, life is good.

“I hope she’ll be a fool— that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.” -The Great Gatsby

I realize that everyone in the world is posting about Kony 2012 today, but I’m just going to hop on the bandwagon and post about it, too, because it’s something I feel strongly about. I’m going to sound so cliche when I say that I truly believe we can change the world. Or maybe cliche isn’t the right word; maybe naive fits better. It’s easy to live under the impression that the world is simply going downhill. It’s easy to see all the hatred and sadness surrounding us, and I wish more than anything that it could all go away. But maybe it can go away. Maybe we do have the power to change the world. The Kony 2012 video (posted below the campaign photo) certainly made me think so. It was truly inspirational and I guess I want to talk about why. As I was watching it, it was evident to me that this movement isn’t just about Kony. Kony’s just the start. If we capture him, it’s only the tip of the iceburg. But that’s a good thing. This movement is about love for all people; big, small, rich, poor, black, white, gay, straight, hearing, deaf, and everything in between. It’s about coming together to change the world so that one day, when our kids are taking a look at it, they realize that despite the hatred and sadness, there is good. I want to change the world. I don’t think I’m the only one. And up until now, I’ve always thought it was too big of a feat to take on. Invisible Children and the Kony 2012 campaign has changed my mind. I’m not too small, too powerless, because every little thing helps. Get inspired, guys. How cool would it be to change the world for the better?

Determination today leads to success tomorrow. KONY 2012.

watch, reblog, share, and anything else you can think of!

(Source: lexiemagaard)

I got into a non-writing streak, which is the opposite of good. What’s also the opposite of good? Being sick. Like really sick. I left school 20 minutes early yesterday and didn’t go back at all today. Instead, I’ve been lying in bed sleeping, watching Greek on Netflix, drinking juice and Airborne, blowing my nose, and eating Wheat Thins and Ramen. What a life. I usually do so well staying away from little viruses like this… but this week, my luck is down. I want to get better fast, so that I can get back on track working out and tanning, and not die on Thursday when I have to go to work. Yay, what a happy half birthday for me. Prayers for my mom as she recovers from her surgery… I promise to write about meaningful things again SOON!

In J2 we wrote about choice. For anyone interested, here’s what I had to say:

What is choice?

Your alarm sounds. Make a choice; hit snooze or get out of bed? You get out. Make a choice; take a shower or go for a grub day? You shower. You dry off. You go back to your bedroom. Make a choice; t-shirt or sweater? Black or pink? Jeans or sweats? Tennis shoes or sandals? These are choices we make each and every day; they’ve become part of our usual routine. We usually recognize these choices and we know what the best choice would be, but we don’t always choose it.

When it comes to the media, the choices seem to be a bit blurred. There are choices to be made about which information you accept, but you probably never thought about that. Whether it be information in your school newspaper, local newspaper, online source, or anything else, there are gatekeepers. I like learning about gatekeepers, because before journalism class, I had never heard of them before. For all intents and purposes, they decide what information you get to read and learn about. They decide what information is valuable to you, without your consent. Anand Giriharadas from New York Times writes about 21st century gatekeepers in his article titled The New Gatekeepers of Media. “Today, isolating what we can know from mere noise is becoming the essential art of the educated: the skill, amid our convoluted and cacophonous digital-global conversation, to resolve for ourselves what so many gatekeepers of truth once resolved for us.”

What’s being said here is that gatekeeping has perhaps taken a new form. When newspapers were the primary, or only, source of information, gatekeepers played a humongous role. They may have come in the form of editors, deciding what stories deserve to be published and read, and which stories weren’t interesting or important enough. Consumers had no say in the matter, and weren’t aware such things took place, and that was that. In today’s society, however, especially due to the internet, you can find articles and websites about just about anything. We don’t have as many gatekeepers holding information from us, which can be a very good thing or a very bad thing. You decide. “As we all know, a major consequence of technology over the last many years has been to erode institutions of authority and shelter us in bubbles of personal truths.” (Anand Giriharadas, The New Gatekeepers of Media)

Let’s talk about “…bubbles of personal truths.” Today, as a 21st century learner and member of American society, you are given tremendous freedom. Again, because of the internet, there isn’t much you aren’t allowed to do or explore. But you often find yourself faced with this question: is this legit? It sounds a little ridiculous, but it’s true. I ask myself this question daily, because I follow Uberfacts on Twitter. It’s either a really cool page, or totally bogus. I get have to decide which. In school, we are told to use “reliable sources” for research. We are taught what a reliable source looks like, and what might be a phony. We are faced with choice every time we come across a new website or article. It raises skepticism which, in my mind, is a little sad. Because of all the scams and fake news sites out there, we’ve been made into somewhat pessimistic learners.

Bill Conroy of Narco News wrote Confessions of a Media Gatekeeper. To be honest, when I first stumbled upon this site, I was skeptical. It looked like an “unreliable source.” But, regardless, I like what he has to say about journalism. He writes “Journalism as an institution is Stalin. Everyone who obeys Stalin gets to stay in, gets to work there, gets to make all their money and write all their garbage and use monosyllabic tongue and keep everything in the normal, in the status quo, so nothing gets ruffled, so Stalin can keep the government going. All the people who want to go against the grain and push at their words to make a point, or to get some feeling into their writing, are all ostracized or purged, just like what Stalin would do.”

This again makes me feel a little pessimistic. As a journalist, it’s not fun to have to follow certain rules. There are sometimes things you want to write about that aren’t “interesting” to everyone else, or to the targeted audience. There are certain rules you must follow when writing, like using quotes and transitions properly, and not stating your opinion whatsoever. As a consumer, it’s disheartening, too, to know that I may not be getting the full story. I may be only getting the parts that one gatekeeper pegs as interesting or useful.

Today, there is a thin gray line of choice that we have. It may seem like we have all the choice in the world, having access to innumerable websites, blogs, and twitter pages. At the same time, however, we may be naive to the very real fact that there are gatekeepers keeping us locked out from the full story. We need to be educated and aware of what’s going on in our media today, and know, when the alarm clock sounds in the morning, that we will have choices to make every minute of our day.

My beautiful friends Addie & Kala made this with me for school. ENJOY.

In class today we talked about morality. We talked about making decisions. The decision presented to us was this: If you were a soldier in battle, and a man from your side was severely wounded, and dying, what would you do? Would you shoot him right then and there, in order to relieve his suffering? Or would you not, because you’re not supposed to shoot your own? Would you leave him there to die alone? Would you call for help, knowing that he will still be in pain the entire trip back to camp? My group decided we would take the man to a medic. Then my teacher asked if we chose this because it is the best, and “morally correct” decision for him, or for us? It’s a good question. We got into the topic pretty deeply. My teacher asked if there are “Absolute Moral Boundaries.” One kid said yes. He said that God has laid down laws for us, and given us a conscience in order to make the right decision. To him, it is black and white. To me, it’s a little more gray. Sure, in my life, most decisions are black and white. I was taught that lying, cheating, and killing are wrong. But not everyone was. So my teacher asked that if it is justifiable in your mind, is it right? No. And that may contradict what I already said about life being gray. But, here’s the thing. Who are we to decide what is right and what is wrong? Seriously, we can’t decide that. Not even my God can, because so many people believe in a different god or gods, or don’t believe in any god at all. Torturing and killing innumerable Jews was justifiable in Hitler’s mind; he believed he was bettering the world. Does that make it right? Well, to most of us, no, simply because we have been taught to believe that killing is wrong. But ignoring all rules and regulations, you have to know that no one person can truly decide what is morally correct or incorrect. I can’t apply the rules of my God to all of the world. No one can, because not all of the world believes in the same God. I can’t even make the world live by my standards, because everyone’s are different. And I can’t call every situation black and white. Because somethings are just simply shades of gray. As humans, we want all the answers. We want to believe that we are right. And when our ideas fail, like Hitler’s and Stalin’s and numerous other leaders’ of the past, we decide to throw up our hands and exclaim “We don’t know anything!” Like ignorance is bliss. But, if you ask my teacher, that is a cop-out. As humans, we are faced with decisions everyday. And the fact of the matter is, no one can truly tell you what’s right or wrong. Sure, the law can tell you what you can and cannot do legally, but what’s morally right for you, is your decision. It’s probably not going to fit with other people’s morals. That’s something we have to learn to live with, because as of now, most of the people I know are blind to it. Most everyone I know judges one another, and tries tirelessly to impose their beliefs on those around them. I am guilty myself. But I will try harder to be more understanding of the fact that life isn’t all right or wrong. It’s not black or white. It’s not good or bad. There are in-betweens. I hate to say that. I hate to deal with that. It is my human nature to want to defy that. To choose a right way and a wrong way, and take everyone down one of those paths with me. But I can’t.

I wish I wasn’t holding onto you. I wish I would realize that as soon as I start talking to or thinking about you, every good day turns bad. Everyone tells me that you’re bad news…. so why is it that I only remember all the good times we had? I wish there were someone else I could move on to, but there isn’t. It would be so much easier if there was. That being said, I am never going to stop praying for you. If there’s one thing I want, it’s for you to experience the healing power of God. There’s nothing else I can control when it comes to you. I guess I’ll have to learn to live with that.

I swear one of these days I will get back on track with writing a post EVERY day, rather than every other. I feel bad. I also feel pretty lonely. It’s embarrassing to write that because I know who reads this blog… but truthfully, I just feel kind of down. I don’t want to bother everyone with my insecurities, though. This blog was supposed to be meaningful, and for some, inspirational. That being said, remember:

“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us.” -Romans 5:3-5

Grab my attention in a way I never expected. Undergo these transformations everyday. Never ceasing to change your mind. Never ceasing to manipulate the people that care about you. Everyday is just a new game to you. Remember me when your world falls apart.